rude ravishing rancid rap

When 50 Cent released, "In Da Club," my 10-year-old self was hooked on rap. About a year later, my inner feminist  surfaced. I was all like, "Go away, Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody wants you and you keep screaming." It took the breakout of Azealia to make my Bitch magazine-reading alter-ego wilt away. So here's a "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead" playlist:

"People used to say I was articulate and dapper, so I started hugging trees and acting like a bastard just to show them who's the new master"

Le1f - Wut
Not quite so rude, but moreso shut your bitchy face. I wrote about this gayngsta rapper for nylon about a month ago and his deep tones and saxophone-bass beats are still blasting through my measly iPod earbuds. Sidenote: I need to find out how to perform my own awkward dance moves with his confidence, where he got that batwing shirt from and how to pronounce his name.

"I'm fucking with this older nigga, he a fucking magician, son. He trickin off cause my verse perverse and jerkin off when a bitch rehearse him. When I lift the skirt, ya nigga's never gotta be coerced to just squirt and he eats the dessert and that's some real shit."

Azealia Banks - L8R
"The rudest Azealia song ever," says my friend Kate. When the opening lines "Yo, you rockin with the man crook. You could get your man took quicker than your hand shook" are some of the most innocent in the song, some would accede. But then you think about "212," then listen to the rest of her Fantasea mixtape and then listen to her newest single...

"l gotta send that beat back quick. Tip-tipping on these niggas, suck a d-dick. Cause you gotta be a bitch nigga. I'm that bitch, what? Just believe that shit. You gotta be a bitch nigga. Imma be that bitch."

Azealia Banks - 1991
Only Yung Rapunxel could around in black bralettes and cropped blazers like a fabulous Janet Jackson circa '91 (it's all gone downhill since...) while managing to make the Louvre and Louis Vuitton sound like back-alley S&M shops. Its cool early '90s hip-hop jazz tones, with a bit of dubstep for good measure, act as a retro foil to the hard in-your-face lyrics and lead to sensual hip swaying and (warning) mysterious, unattractive vogueing. 

"And I'm ranked too. Rain for flow watch bitch I might drench you. Had it out cause you were meant to. Proud that I ain't you."

RoxXxan - Too Fucking Facety
Since I featured the cheeky triple-x MC on my nylon picks with Le1f, I have since learned what "facety" means. Turns out UrbanDictionary is good for something other than 13-year-olds learning what a Cleveland Steamboat is... Anyways, it's basically another word for rude. So there it is. You've listened to the song. No further explanation needed, right? 

"Suki Zuki I'm coming in the Cherokee gasoline. There's steam on the window screen. Take it, take it. Wheels bouncing like a trampoline. When I get to where I'm going, gonna have you trembling."

MIA - Bad Girls
The Bollywood beats, the crude lyrics, the anarchist moral, just M.I.A. in general. She's not strictly a rapper, but who gives a shit?

after school special: zebra katz "ima read (ft. njena reddd foxxx)"

No, this obviously isn't some really cheesy sitcom they play in health class where the main character almost gets messed up in drugs but stops when he his future flash before his eyes. If you thought it might be, just leave this page and never come back again...until you get some sense knocked into you.

Instead, it's a bit of a history lesson, as it was huge during last season's Paris Fashion Week after blaring during Rick Owen's runway show. As we've all been countlessly told, history repeats itself, quite fast apparently: fashion week phenomenon Azealia Banks also covered this song on her ravishingly rude mixtape Fantasea.

Originally intended as a commentary on New York's black performers, it has since been simply viewed as a dark, abrasive, almost abusive song about educationally insulating an apparently shamefully stupid bitch. Contributing to the latter perspective is the song's continuous 808 drum-loop and Ojay Morgan's (Zebra Katz) deep, commanding voice, which ironically force the listener into almost a brainwash-like daze and contribute to its inherently eery nature.

No matter which context you choose to listen to it in (while vogueing, or passive-aggressively showing it to someone you hate...) you can't help but smirk...and hope that you never encounter two faceless females in an abandoned school.

original origins: grimes "genesis"

"Remember that time we dropped acid, MDMA and consumed a bucket full of shrooms in the desert and were still tripping when we got back to the Valley?" said Claire Boucher.

"No, but we have it on film. Let's do something with that," replied her alter-ego Grimes.

And so the music video for Genesis was born, or at least that's how I like to think it happened.

pop lock it drop it

Ironically enough, none of this music vaguely resembles Huey's song. If you're wondering who Huey is, don't feel bad. I had absolutely no clue of his existence before thirty seconds ago until I google'd who sang that ridiculously catchy chant of a song (see post's title). If I did in fact write about a song like Huey's, that would truly be irony — I don't fucks with songs like that. I respect their existence and may dance to them, but that's entirely different than genuine enjoyment. 

If you skipped over the first paragraph, it had absolutely nothing to do with anything so don't fret, friends. If you did read it, sorry for getting a little harsh there at the end. Actually, I'm not sorry...I really never am, but if it makes you think I'm a better human being, then pretend I am. Actually, I don't care (...I love it). You'll get that last reference once you finish reading. Bottom line: No Huey, just good old pop why-the-hell-am-I-involuntarily-dancing music. 



Dragonette - Rocket Ship
Punchy lyrics, love lyrics without sounding too lovey-dovey and an infectious electro dance beat — what else could you possibly ask from the trio? The Canadian-Brit group already gave us a free download (this broke bitch right here really appreciates it), but if I was to be greedy, I would possibly request an earlier album release date, but I guess I can wait: September 25 isn't too far from now...is it?

Icona Pop - I Love It
When playing this song for my friends from across the pond the other night, they laughed at how the gals of Icona Pop pronounced their title lyric. "It's so Swedish...I lub it." I mean, it's appropriate since the duo does hail from Sweden. I should also clarify that they lub'ed it as well. I mean, how can you not? Also in love with the music video. There's no way someone couldn't be. If you say you aren't, you're not only lying to me but you're lying to yourself and that's just sad. It's the perfect fuck.you. fuck.this.shit song. Charlie XCX may have wrote the song, but the most perfect music video opening of all time is all Icona Pop: "A horrible thing that we started doing now. When you pass somebody that looks really good, we always go, 'Ohhhh shit! Shit! Check that out." We've all done it. I may not have pushed a car off a bridge yet (there's always time...), but I am a 90s bitch, although many of my "90s" memories are from the early 00s, but we'll just ignore that technicality.

Marina and the Diamonds - How to be a Heartbreaker
For some reason or another, I'm a sucker for a good countdown (or count-up?). I was in my friend Mel's car the other day listening to this album and wanted to play this song. I had only listened to it once, so the only way to describe it was that Marina counted in it. Mel's response: "I have no fucking idea what you're talking about Yasmeen." (I tend to get that response a lot, in all different contexts.) Needless to say, I was flabbergasted that that wasn't the first thing that came to mind with this song, but I guess we all have different preferences. Anyway, this song's got it all: mathematics, a playbook on how to be a female p.i.m.p., moments to belt out to, beat drops, fist-pumping moments (in a good way, if there is one). "Primadonna" is also super good, but everyone's been playing that for a good few months now. I'm not going to tell you to move on, because I'm incapable of skipping that song as well, but just give a few others a try...for me? Please?

new tunes: bat shit crazy

The bat-(for lashes)-shit crazy Natasha Khan I've always loved is back, only much more stripped down. (Seriously, check out the new Bat for Lashes album cover.) This song is sentimental and sounds like a cry for help for this so called "Laura." Lord only knows if she exists or not. Does she? Is she in fact named Laura, or is it a pseudoname? Or is it that old man in the music video? I don't really care — I can belt it out (not well) and Natasha is still insane, so all is good and right in the world.

iPod Import: Kyla La Grange

I've already featured Kyla's "Lambs" in my Good Listener picks for nylonmag.com. If you haven't already checked her out, do so immediately. That's not a suggestion, it's a command (sorry, I've been busy reading 50 Shades, which incidentally means nothing if you haven't been doing so yourself). I've dubbed her Lana Del Rey's long lost sister, which is apparent if you listen to her new album, Ashes — the dark lyrics, haunting beats, whispers and the for the first time in a while, vocal synthesis doesn't sound absurd since it's done in moderation and Kyla's actually talented.

Her album, Ashes, just dropped yesterday, so download it. If you're poor and can only afford singles, get: "Vampire Smile" (above), "Woke Up Dead,""You Get It Go" and "Lambs."