rude ravishing rancid rap

When 50 Cent released, "In Da Club," my 10-year-old self was hooked on rap. About a year later, my inner feminist  surfaced. I was all like, "Go away, Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody wants you and you keep screaming." It took the breakout of Azealia to make my Bitch magazine-reading alter-ego wilt away. So here's a "Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead" playlist:

"People used to say I was articulate and dapper, so I started hugging trees and acting like a bastard just to show them who's the new master"

Le1f - Wut
Not quite so rude, but moreso shut your bitchy face. I wrote about this gayngsta rapper for nylon about a month ago and his deep tones and saxophone-bass beats are still blasting through my measly iPod earbuds. Sidenote: I need to find out how to perform my own awkward dance moves with his confidence, where he got that batwing shirt from and how to pronounce his name.

"I'm fucking with this older nigga, he a fucking magician, son. He trickin off cause my verse perverse and jerkin off when a bitch rehearse him. When I lift the skirt, ya nigga's never gotta be coerced to just squirt and he eats the dessert and that's some real shit."

Azealia Banks - L8R
"The rudest Azealia song ever," says my friend Kate. When the opening lines "Yo, you rockin with the man crook. You could get your man took quicker than your hand shook" are some of the most innocent in the song, some would accede. But then you think about "212," then listen to the rest of her Fantasea mixtape and then listen to her newest single...

"l gotta send that beat back quick. Tip-tipping on these niggas, suck a d-dick. Cause you gotta be a bitch nigga. I'm that bitch, what? Just believe that shit. You gotta be a bitch nigga. Imma be that bitch."

Azealia Banks - 1991
Only Yung Rapunxel could around in black bralettes and cropped blazers like a fabulous Janet Jackson circa '91 (it's all gone downhill since...) while managing to make the Louvre and Louis Vuitton sound like back-alley S&M shops. Its cool early '90s hip-hop jazz tones, with a bit of dubstep for good measure, act as a retro foil to the hard in-your-face lyrics and lead to sensual hip swaying and (warning) mysterious, unattractive vogueing. 

"And I'm ranked too. Rain for flow watch bitch I might drench you. Had it out cause you were meant to. Proud that I ain't you."

RoxXxan - Too Fucking Facety
Since I featured the cheeky triple-x MC on my nylon picks with Le1f, I have since learned what "facety" means. Turns out UrbanDictionary is good for something other than 13-year-olds learning what a Cleveland Steamboat is... Anyways, it's basically another word for rude. So there it is. You've listened to the song. No further explanation needed, right? 

"Suki Zuki I'm coming in the Cherokee gasoline. There's steam on the window screen. Take it, take it. Wheels bouncing like a trampoline. When I get to where I'm going, gonna have you trembling."

MIA - Bad Girls
The Bollywood beats, the crude lyrics, the anarchist moral, just M.I.A. in general. She's not strictly a rapper, but who gives a shit?

after school special: zebra katz "ima read (ft. njena reddd foxxx)"

No, this obviously isn't some really cheesy sitcom they play in health class where the main character almost gets messed up in drugs but stops when he his future flash before his eyes. If you thought it might be, just leave this page and never come back again...until you get some sense knocked into you.

Instead, it's a bit of a history lesson, as it was huge during last season's Paris Fashion Week after blaring during Rick Owen's runway show. As we've all been countlessly told, history repeats itself, quite fast apparently: fashion week phenomenon Azealia Banks also covered this song on her ravishingly rude mixtape Fantasea.

Originally intended as a commentary on New York's black performers, it has since been simply viewed as a dark, abrasive, almost abusive song about educationally insulating an apparently shamefully stupid bitch. Contributing to the latter perspective is the song's continuous 808 drum-loop and Ojay Morgan's (Zebra Katz) deep, commanding voice, which ironically force the listener into almost a brainwash-like daze and contribute to its inherently eery nature.

No matter which context you choose to listen to it in (while vogueing, or passive-aggressively showing it to someone you hate...) you can't help but smirk...and hope that you never encounter two faceless females in an abandoned school.